After

English
공개

2025년 9월 24일

AI Suggestion

Question

Suggest which of my sentences are confusing or hard to follow

Answer

🤔 Thoughts

The user is asking me to review the English writing in the selected file and identify sentences that are confusing or hard to follow. I need to analyze the three writing sections (A, B, and C) and provide feedback on clarity, grammar, and readability issues.

Here are the sentences that are confusing or hard to follow in your writing:

Writing A Issues:

  1. “Last year, I joined in extracurricular education aboaut programming.”
    • “joined in” should be “joined” (remove “in”)
    • “aboaut” is misspelled (should be “about”)
    • Better: “Last year, I joined an extracurricular programming education program.”

Writing B Issues:

  1. “I’m self-motivated. During my time as a Soongsil University student, I thought that studying only my major would be insufficient for any professional projects.”
    • The connection between these sentences is unclear
    • “any professional projects” is vague
    • Better: “I’m self-motivated. As a Soongsil University student, I realized that studying only my major would be insufficient for future professional work.”
  2. “so I decided to develop my skills through extracurricular activities.”
    • Should start with capital “S” as it begins a new sentence
    • Better: “So I decided to develop my skills through extracurricular activities.”
  3. “And I recieved top learner award for my performance in the camp.”
    • “recieved” is misspelled (should be “received”)
    • Missing article “the” before “top learner award”
    • Better: “I received the top learner award for my performance in the camp.”
  4. “Over one and half years, I had learned technical skills and communication skills.”
    • “one and half” should be “one and a half”
    • Tense inconsistency (“had learned” vs. present context)
    • Better: “Over one and a half years, I learned both technical and communication skills.”
  5. “We voluntarily participated did them and the increased communication time helped us identify potential issues early and address them promptly.”
    • This sentence is very confusing with grammatical errors
    • “participated did them” doesn’t make sense
    • Better: “We voluntarily participated in these meetings, and the increased communication time helped us identify potential issues early and address them promptly.”

Writing C Issues:

  1. “With my technical skills, I can build intuitive automated process and this will ensure the people get access to information with more transparently and reduce potential errors.”
    • “automated process” should be “automated processes” (plural) or “an automated process”
    • “the people” should be “people”
    • “with more transparently” is grammatically incorrect
    • Run-on sentence that’s hard to follow
    • Better: “With my technical skills, I can build intuitive automated processes that will help people access information more transparently and reduce potential errors.”
  2. “Ultimately, I aim to become an engineer who can enable organization to achieve its maximum productivity with sophisticated system.”
    • “organization” should be “organizations” (plural) or “an organization”
    • “sophisticated system” should be “sophisticated systems” or “a sophisticated system”
    • Better: “Ultimately, I aim to become an engineer who can help organizations achieve maximum productivity through sophisticated systems.”

The main issues are: spelling errors, missing articles (a, an, the), grammatical inconsistencies, and some awkward sentence structures that make the meaning unclear.

Question

Suggest 2–3 extra details I could add to make my writing more interesting.

Answer

🤔 Thoughts

The user wants me to suggest 2-3 extra details they could add to make their writing more interesting. I need to analyze each writing section and think about what specific, concrete details would make the content more engaging and memorable. Let me think about each section:

Writing A: This is very basic biographical information. It could use more specific details about their interests, what drew them to Industrial Engineering, or what specific programming education program they joined.

Writing B: This talks about being self-motivated and diligent, but lacks specific examples and concrete details. It mentions a programming camp and team project but could be more specific about what they built, what technologies they used, what the competition was about, etc.

Writing C: This talks about career goals but is quite vague. It could use more specific examples of what kinds of systems they want to build, what organizations they want to help, or what specific problems they want to solve.

I should provide concrete, specific suggestions that would make each section more vivid and memorable.

Here are my suggestions for 2-3 extra details you could add to make each section more interesting:

Writing A

Add these specific details:

  1. What sparked your interest in programming?
    • Example: “After struggling with repetitive data analysis in my Industrial Engineering coursework, I realized programming could automate these tasks.”
  2. Name the specific program or organization
    • Instead of “extracurricular programming education program,” mention the actual name or type (e.g., “42Seoul,” “Samsung Software Academy,” or “a 6-month Python bootcamp”)
  3. Connect your major to your programming interest
    • Example: “I chose Industrial Engineering because I’m fascinated by optimizing systems, which naturally led me to discover how coding can solve efficiency problems.”

Writing B

Add these concrete examples:

  1. Specify what you built in the programming camp
    • Example: “I developed a web application that helps students find study groups” or “I created an inventory management system using Python and SQL”
  2. Give details about the competition
    • Example: “In a hackathon focused on solving campus problems” or “In a project showcase where 20 teams presented their solutions to local businesses”
  3. Describe a specific challenge you overcame
    • Example: “When our database crashed two days before the deadline, I spent the night learning backup recovery and managed to restore all our data”

Writing C

Add these specific examples:

  1. Give a concrete example of the system you want to build
    • Example: “For instance, I want to create chatbots that help elderly people easily access government services” or “I’d like to build scheduling systems that reduce wait times in hospitals”
  2. Mention a specific industry or type of organization
    • Example: “I’m particularly interested in helping small businesses streamline their operations” or “I want to work with healthcare organizations to improve patient care”
  3. Reference a real problem you’ve observed
    • Example: “I noticed how much time my part-time job colleagues waste on manual paperwork, and I want to solve problems like this on a larger scale”

These details will make your writing more memorable and help readers better understand your motivations and goals.

✓ Task Completed

I’ve completed the analysis and provided specific suggestions for adding interesting details to your writing. Here’s what I recommended for each section:

Writing A: Add details about what sparked your programming interest, name the specific program you joined, and connect your Industrial Engineering major to your programming passion.

Writing B: Include specifics about what you built in the programming camp, give details about the competition you won 2nd place in, and describe a specific challenge you overcame during your projects.

Writing C: Provide concrete examples of systems you want to build, mention specific industries or organizations you want to help, and reference real problems you’ve observed that motivate your career goals.

These additions will make your writing more engaging, memorable, and help readers better understand your motivations and experiences.

After Applying AI Suggestions

Writing A.

Hi, my name is HyungHoon Kim and I’m living in Yongin. My university is Soongsil university, and I’m majoring in Industrial Engineering. Additionally, last year, I joined an extracurricular programming education program.

Writing B.

I’m self-motivated. As a Soongsil University student, I realized that studying only my major would be not enough for future professional work. So I decided to develop my skills through extra activities. I joined a programming camp, and I participated in various projects. As a result, I received the top learner award for my performance in the camp. Over one and a half years, I learned both technical and communication skills. Now, for my growth, I’m constantly looking for another challenges and opportunities.

I’m diligent. I believe the success of projects comes from every member’s participation. So I always try to be punctual and reliable. In my last team project, our team had meetings every day. We joined willingly in these meetings, and the increased communication time helped us identify potential issues early and solve them quickly. As a result, we completed the project ahead of schedule and won 2nd place in the competition. This experience taught me that diligence is essential for achieving success and I keep this attitude in all my work.

Writing C.

I want to be a person who helps people communicate better. With my technical skills, I can build easy-to-use automated systems that will help people get information easily and reduce potential errors. Building on this foundation, I aim to become an engineer who can help organizations work more efficiently through advanced systems.

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